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Monday, July 09, 2007

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Falling hard hurts. no matter how much, or how hard i try to let go of a past, i find myself looking back, not seeing what is in front of me (the importance of the future), tripping, falling and hitting rock bottom (all over again). i dont understand. I understand why you live and learn, but it is so hard to learn or find meaning in life when you dont want to live anymore. what i used to live for, now seems so nonexistant. whether it was a day, a month a year ago, all the joys in my life, the ambitions that i once had, now feel crushed. amazing how a few factors in life, even if they are miniscule with accordance to the big picture, have the most profound effects that can alter a persons world. these tid bits that marked my life has left me wounded to the point where pain engulfs my heavy heart, and has left me a sad insecure, and frightened puppy. why?.....i dont know....*sigh* .....that is life, good or bad i must go on. forget my petty, insecure, thoughts and fears. If there is one thing i learned in life, its that answers, reason and solutions are not given, but found. So now that is what i live for. an answer. God will show me the way, even through the darkest of tunnels, there is a light that burns within my very existance that gives me hope that all will okay. The same light i shall follow to point B of my life. the next chapter. from this point on praying, believing, and having faith in God, will lead me to brighter days and to the end of this dismal tunnell. Lead me and I will follow Lord, because i have nowhere else to go.

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